Category Archives: writing

A love letter to my boys

During the holiday season I reflect on the things I am grateful for. At the top of the list is my family, and more specifically: my two young sons. The following article is my love letter to my boys. From the beginning through the end of every day, they are always in my thoughts. I am very clear as to what my role is with my kids. So, here is my heart boys. Here is my love. This is to you .

Let me introduce myself, you know me as mom but I am so much more! I am your confident, I am your cheerleader, I help you blow your nose when you are sick, I give you kisses and comfort when you are hurt. I am your mom. But I am also more than you think you need, at your very young age: you cannot yet see all of me.

I am not just your friend, I am your parent. I am not here to sit back and watch you raise yourself, I am here to guide you. I am not here to fight you, take away your fun, or make your life harder: I am here to watch you grow, show you right from wrong and create the boundaries I think will help you the most on your own journey.

galaxy s3 pics 662

I love you. It is a special kind of love. It is a love you will never find outside of family: It is a love that is insurmountable, unbreakable, total. No matter what you do, who you become or what you achieve I will love you…to the very fiber of my being. I am your mother. You are my child. Always.

galaxy s3 pics 486

I want to teach you what I know. It is something that I realize you won’t appreciate until you are in my shoes, and that’s OK. You don’t have to earn my love. It is there for you forever. You don’t need to see me as wise or even see me at all. I am still here. Waiting. Loving you.

SAMSUNG

When you are young, your life is uncomplicated. It is like an arrow shot from a bow. It is swift and focused, you will move long distances with every shot. That will change. One day your life will spread out. Instead of an arrow you will become more like a net. Your spread will be wider…your distance traveled shorter, but the effect is much broader. It will become a well studied choice to be the most effective with each cast. Instead of  flailing about in far flung, random directions: you will become aware of your position, become well rooted in your accumulated life perspective and you will be able to use that knowledge and wisdom to it’s fullest potential. As you make this transition, as you become more experienced: you will begin to see why your father and I are so different from you right now. You will begin to fill our shoes. You will see a very different world than the one you are focused on today.

galaxy s3 pics 494

When I was young: I boldly stepped out on my life’s stage. I played every part, I knew every role. I thought I was wise.

2011-06-03 17.12.45

When I had you and your brother: it was like I went from a high-school play in a high school auditorium to Broadway. It was that different: going from the center of my own universe to being your parent. As I did this: I went from an uncertain fledgling to a powerful eagle. Suddenly what I thought I knew was irrelevant, even silly, as I began to stretch my wings and truly soar.

2011-03-29 20.57.22

When you were little, all you could see was me and all I could see was you. Now that you are older, you are looking away. Choosing your steps, creating your path. I watch you walk away from me, sometimes I can even see you run. I will forever be in this position: behind you, reaching out to steady you if you stumble.

galaxy s3 pics 993

It is a long, beautiful goodbye and there is a part of me that wishes every day was a few hours longer. There is a part of me that is so scared that I might forget a moment. The years go by so fast. I’m afraid I will wake up, in what seems like tomorrow, and your days with me will have sped by: that you will be grown and gone. I am afraid of the day that my house is no longer filled with shrill screams, thundering feet and fits of laughter. The future silence of the empty nest is always present in the back of my mind. From that perspective: I already miss you.

galaxy s3 pics 229

When you have your children, you will see that although it is bittersweet to watch your children grow and move away from you, it is a place of extreme pride to see your kids begin to mature into their destiny. To watch them become sure footed on their own path. To see your position as parent mean less and less to them. It is as it should be. You are becoming you.

2011-06-03 16.46.31

Stepping out of the center of my own world has been the most awesome, incredible experience. It just keeps getting bigger, it keeps getting better.

2011-06-03 16.36.18

When I see you, I see your potential. I see what you can be. That you can be better than I am. That you can be wiser than I am. That you can be your fullest potential. I see that. I try to show you, too. I pray that I succeed.

2011-09-23 11.13.20

But even if your life is different. If you end up feeling like a failure. If you end up broken by the decisions that you make in your life…guess what? That’s how I got here, too.

2011-12-02 15.50.24

There’s no mistake you cannot overcome. No choice in life that you cannot learn a lesson from, and no path you can explore that is a mistake. You go where you go for a reason. You learn what you learn because you need the lesson. You will ultimately be successful if you attempt to do all of this from a position of love.

20120919_124820

Open your heart and meet every person with love.

20120921_145024

The one thing I’m sure of is: that everyone deserves your love. But it’s important to realize that love and trust are two different things. Not everyone will earn your trust, but that feeling of love should always be there.

20120919_130813

One day you may betray my trust, as I betrayed my parent’s trust. It helped me realize that there are choices in this life that can’t be taken back. But love? No. I will always have room in my heart for you.

2012-08-24 17.34.09

I hope your life is easier than mine has been, but I respect your journey enough to realize that I can’t dictate your path. So, every day I will show you that you are loved. Every day I will set limits so that you have boundaries. And every moment I will become the most that I can muster to show you what I believe is possible in this life.

2010-10-19 20.15.26

I believe you can do even more than I can (and I have been working on being the best me I can be for a very long time.) I am so excited to see the magic that you can create. The reality that you shape. The moments that we share.

galaxy s3 pics 1262 galaxy s3 pics 1258

My door is always open, my ears are always ready to hear…and I love you. Always.

Shrub-A-Dub-Dub What To Do With Imperfect Fruit

While we had plenty of rain this year for my vegetables it was a poor year for fruit. We got so much rain this year that the peaches all aborted and the limbs oozed sap trying to find a way to compensate for the deluge. My persimmon also dropped most of its fruit in response to the excess rain. The only fruit that survived this year was a large Breba crop of figs and first year canes with sour blackberries. Most people with figs toss the Breba (or summer) crop. The fruit is generally not as good as main crop figs, and although I could have tossed it all in the compost pile, I thought I’d find something more immediately useful for them. That’s when I came across a recipe for something called a Shrub. I am a recent convert for homemade fermented prebiotic foods. I’ve been making an awesome salsa the last couple of years and I can’t tell you how delicious a home ferment can be! It’s one of those things that once you try it: you jump in with both feet! Fermentation is one of those old time skills (like home canning) that make you nervous the first few times you do it. Mysterious and a little dangerous, your first foray into fermentation can make you wonder how anything that sits out on the counter for a week can possibly be healthy or taste good. All I can say is: give it a try. If you follow proven ferment recipes, I promise you won’t get sick and you will love the end result!
image

Shrubs are a great way to use up fruit that you would otherwise have trouble finding a use for. The definition for a Shrub (thanks to Wikipedia):

“A shrub can also refer to a cocktail or soft drink that was popular during America’s colonial era, made by mixing a vinegared syrup with spirits, water, or carbonated water. The term “shrub” can also be applied to the sweetened vinegar-based syrup, from which the cocktail is made; the syrup is also known as drinking vinegar. Drinking vinegar is often infused with fruit juice, herbs and spices for use in mixed drinks.”

image

I saw a drinking vinegar (aka shrub) for sale in a catalog and thought: I bet I could make this! Which after some research, I found that: yes, these are great homemade! There are a variety of shrub recipes out there. Some require cooking, I prefer my fruit (and veggies, like the salsa ferment I make) fresh. There were plenty of recipes to choose from.
image

For my shrub I chose to make my own recipe after examining a few shrub recipes online. I mixed some flavors from what I had on hand: figs, blackberries, cracked black peppercorns and some home grown rosemary. I decided on using apple cider vinegar for the vinegar because I tried a spoonful with the fruit I had macerated, and I thought it was good with the apple cider. (Champagne vinegar would also be nice.) I tried a good quality balsamic vinegar with the macerated fruit and that was a definite “No”. To me the balsamic vinegar puts a “rotten fruit” taste in it that I couldn’t handle.
image

When you are making a homemade drinking vinegar (or shrub) you want half of your fruit to be very sweet: my Breba crop of figs, and half to be something tart: the blackberries (tart cherries would work too.) Luckily blackberries are usually for sale at the grocery (fresh or frozen) and the ones from the store are always tart. You could also add a little lime or lemon if you don’t want to go the blackberry/cherry route. For something sweet (other than figs) I would think blueberries, plums, persimmons, grapes or peaches would work well. You are going to be adding quite a bit of sugar, so having something tart makes for a kind of depth of flavor that I really enjoy. Taste it once you add the sugar and macerate the fruit. That’s when to add other flavors or adjust the fruit ratio until you are happy with the flavor. It will only become a deeper more complex version of the fruit and sugar combination from there.
image
image

image

Here’s how I made mine:

2 cups washed fruit (1 cup tart: I used blackberries and 1 cup sweet: I used figs. Cut up larger fruit. I quartered the figs.)
1 1/2 cups sugar
One sprig rosemary
2 tsp freshly cracked black peppercorns
1 1/2 cups apple cider vinegar

Mix the sugar in with the fruit until the fruit is coated. Add the fresh cracked pepper. Remove the stem and add the fresh rosemary leaves. Mash the fruit mixture. (I used the pestle, from a mortar and pestle set, in a bowl but you can just use a fork or even a food processor.) Cover the fruit mixture with plastic wrap or a towel (to keep anything from getting into it) and leave it out out on the counter for 48 hours. After the first 24 hours: stir and crush the fruit again, then let it sit again until the 48 hours has expired. Add the vinegar and strain the juice through a sieve into a large mason jar. Put the mixture on the counter (or in the fridge. Your choice. Refrigeration will slow down but not stop the fermentation. If you leave it on the counter a “wine” type flavor may develop. I aged mine in the fridge because I like a fresh fruit flavor instead.) in a sealed mason jar for at least a week. Open the jar daily to let gases escape and shake or stir the mixture daily. At the end of a week: add some carbonated water to a drinking glass (I use a lime flavored club soda.) Fill the glass 2/3 of the way with the carbonated water: slowly add the shrub until you are happy with the flavor. You should taste the tartness of the vinegar but: it shouldn’t be overwhelming.

Shrubs remind me of Italian sodas and I can definitely see where our modern day carbonated sodas get their flavors. The shrubs are a wonderful old time way to extend your enjoyment of fruit season and a great way to use up fruit that you would usually have taken from a plant and directly dumped it into the compost (overly ripe or damaged fruit is fine, but if it’s truly rotting find something else to use!) You can also use up the tail end of any fruit glut in a Shrub. My children enjoy the shrub as well. It is a healthier alternative to pop.
image
I like a sprig of mint in mine. Just roll the mint between your fingers and crush it a bit before you put it in. Vodka would also pair with this well!
image